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July 2005: Recovering from an Affair
Click on the links below to go directly to that article.
"THERE IS HOPE" announces a wall-hanging in my office. When working with couples who are pursuing forgiveness and reconciliation for the aftermath of an affair, all of us—the couple and the counselor, and especially the couple—have to anchor into the truth of God’s amazing love and power.
Romans 5:8 reminds us: "God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
There is hope for the marriage when each spouse is willing to rely on God’s love and commit to two relational cornerstones --- honesty and forgiveness.
Obviously, following betrayal, trust has been destroyed. To bring healing, both spouses need to commit to a brutally honest period of restoration. The offender needs to own responsibility for his/her sin and come completely clean, ending all contact with the affair. The offended spouse needs to share his/her pain, anger, hurt and get answers to questions about the history of the affair.
After these initial crisis steps, each spouse needs to examine the context of their marital history and own, confess, and repent of any contributions they made to making the marriage vulnerable. Choosing to forgive often precedes emotional feelings of forgiveness and restored trust. Those couples who diligently speak the truth in love, and depend on Christ’s supernatural grace, can emerge from an affair with a more honest, and grace-filled marriage.
This month, we’ve put together Counseling Center Resources that address healing from an extramarital affair.
Click on the title for a link to learn more about any of these resources through ChristianBook.Com
Daily workbook format for those recovering from an extramarital affair teaches five necessary skills for a good marriage.
Surviving an Affair – Willard Harley Find step-by-step guidance for restoring a broken marriage in this book.
Surviving Betrayal – Donald Harvey A handbook of ideas that guides couples through coping with an adulterous marriage.
Reconcilable Differences – Virginia Todd Holeman “Holeman's biblically informed and theologically rich handbook will help you foster true reconciliation amidst seemingly hopeless situations.”
Click on the title for a link to learn more about any of these resources
Marriage Partnership – Written for husbands and wives, this magazine is dedicated to strengthening all aspects of the marriage relationship.
Christian Counseling Today – A quarterly publication for Christian counselors, you can learn more about this magazine under the “Publications” link on AACC’s website. http://www.aacc.net/
Our featured Web Link this month is www.marriagebuilders.com.
Visit this site and find some of the best ways to overcome marital conflicts and some of the quickest ways to restore love.
Author of His Needs, Her Needs, Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. has “saved thousands of marriages from the pain of unresolved conflict and the disaster of divorce. His successful approach to building marriages can help you build yours.”
Sign up for the Marriage Builders e-newsletter or weekly Q&A Column, view or join a discussion forum on several hot topics, or visit links to other books, articles and web links provided by this ministry. Also, you can check out the Marriage Builders retreat weekends.
These sites also have some great resources! www.retrouvaille.org – Retrouvaille means “rediscovery,” and this ministry offers intensive weekend interaction and training for couples in crisis. This program provides a chance to rediscover yourself, your spouse, and a loving relationship in your marriage.
www.vowsavers.com – Vowsavers is committed to preserving marriage and is particularly skilled at intervening in financial conflict. This site is full of resources, articles, and marriage evaluation tools. It’s sponsored by best-selling author and talk radio host, Dave Ramsey.
www.family.org – Focus provides a large variety of resources for all sorts of marital and family needs from a Christian worldview. Check out this link to their “married” page—with articles and resources for all facets of married life.
www.FamilyLife.com – Family Life also offers a plethora of Christian resources and a large library to browse and order from. This marriage link offers devotions for couples, tips to rekindle romance, marriage forums, and parenting ideas.
Recovering from an affair is difficult work.
Our counselors have helped many couples reconcile from the unique brokenness an affair produces. We are available at either 317-575-6500 or www.indyhope.com. We would be happy to provide you with more information or set up an initial session for you.
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