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February 2006: Singles &
Valentines
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on the links below to go directly to that article.
It's Singleness Awareness Day...or is it?
When I
asked a recently divorced client about Valentine’s Day, she laughed: “Five
of my single girlfriends are joining me for a night out. We are all dressing
in black, going out to dinner and then to the movie “Mr. Wrong”!
I have
since heard of Valentine’s Day referred to as Singleness Awareness Day and
often think of that scenario. Many types of singleness exist – never
married, divorced, and widowed. And contentment can be found in each.
Admittedly, this month we’re encouraging those who struggle to find
contentment in singleness this Valentine’s Day. However, if you are a
content single, you might find inspiration as well.
The central theme for Christian singles in general is well stated
by Alan Corry in The Soul Care Bible. In an article, “More Than Being
Unmarried,” he states, “Single people must come to terms with being single –
knowing that they are complete and whole as individuals in their
relationship with Christ.” Later he adds, “Being married and remaining
single are both honorable lifestyles. Too many single adults sit on the
sidelines waiting to be married before they feel like they will be a viable
part of the community. God wants them to be active in
the ministry to others NOW.”
As a single until the age of 32 and longing to be married, I had lots of
practice discovering creative solutions for enjoying God’s plans for my
life. Professionally, I have counseled many singles over the last 13 years.
So with confidence, I encourage you to explore two solid action points this
Valentine’s Day:
1. Come to a place of wholeness based upon your relationship with Christ,
period, end of sentence. John Eldredge has written well for those
struggling to experience God’s passionate, eternal love for them in a way
that matters. Many of his works drive home the theme of God’s loving
intentions for all of the parts of our life stories. Several of his
materials are briefly described in the resources section this month.
If you have a book, movie, memory or devotion, that particularly speaks to
you of the powerful reality of God’s amazing love relationship with you
personally, reread it on Valentine’s Day. Share the awesome truth of it with
friends! Enjoy His love and your wholeness this year in your own creative
time with Him.
A sharp, dynamic, Christian (married) friend said to me years ago: “Cherie,
don’t forget that you have the best husband in Christ that you will ever
have. Marriage is great, but it involves work, sacrifice, etc. Jesus loves
you today, regardless and takes care of you. He’s the best husband ever!”
2. God wants singles to be active in ministry to others NOW. Although
Valentine’s Day was originally intended to celebrate romantic love, isn’t it
a wonderful opportunity to celebrate love in general? Obviously, the ideas
are endless for how to demonstrate love to others. Here are some ideas for
this Valentine’s Day:
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Intentionally show friends and family your love and appreciation for them
with cards, gifts, time together, memories, encouraging words, sweet
treats, etc.
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Thank God for the loves He has already placed in your life. Valentine’s
Day is a powerful day to create an extensive gratitude list and follow it
up with telling others why you are grateful for them.
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Spend time with your single friends and celebrate aspects of singleness
that you enjoy. Minister to someone in need together.
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Pray
for God to reveal His will for the ministries He has for you in your
singleness – pursue them!
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Snuggle your pet. Hug someone you love. Hold a niece or nephew’s hand.
Just because you are single doesn't mean you can’t enjoy appropriate
physical touch. God is creative!
From Our Bookshelf to Yours
John Eldredge Resources
John
Eldredge has written well for those struggling to experience God’s
passionate, eternal love for them in a way that matters. Many of his works
drive home the theme of God’s loving intentions for all of the parts of our
life stories.
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The Epic
– A short book highlighting the epic of our lives, we are all rescued by
the heroic love of Jesus.
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The Sacred Romance – A wonderful read about how both the
wonderful and difficult parts of this life are covered by the immense
love of our Savior. Incredible insights, deep musings into life’s
struggles and mysteries and God’s purposes.
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Wild
at Heart
–
Written specifically for men and addressing male emotional needs and
life purposes as God’s powerful design and plan.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0785268839/104-0026754-1918312?v=glance&n=283155 |
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John and Stasi Eldredge
Resource
Captivating – In some ways this is the female counterpart to
Wild at Heart. He explores feminine longings and identity and
celebrating how Christ is able to fulfill those needs. Excellent
reading.
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Getting Help…
I
recently heard a statistic that said the vast majority of Americans, if
given the choice between singleness or a relationship that they know would
not be good for them, would chose the relationship! Clearly, there is an
enormous push to be “coupled up.” Finding wholeness in singleness can be a
challenge at times, but being a whole single is a necessary step for
contentment in life.
At the
Counseling Center at the Crossing, we are more than willing to be of
assistance to you if you are struggling in the area of singleness. Please
don’t hesitate to call us at 317-575-6500 if you want more information about
our services. God bless you!
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